Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Ode to a Crescent Roll

Alhough you are flaky
and somewhat delicious
there is something irksome about your
vaguely petrochemical taste
and indeterminate origin
from a dough perspective, at least.

How DO you keep for three months?

I have always felt, deep inside
that I could make a better dinner roll than you
with my own hands, but
your genuine ease of preparation
and sixteen-to-nineteen minute baking time
has made it difficult for me to justify supplanting you
with a creation of my own concoction.

I mean, people seem to like you, as well.

Still, the folks at Pillsbury want me to think all this
and I feel as though contributing to the sales figures
of refrigerated bake-at-home dinner rolls
will make some executives happy
though it gives me little joy
that I cannot best you with homemade dough.

It gives me a sense of despair
that you have given rise to these feelings
yet I am willing to forgive
as I place butter on your backside
bite, chew thoroughly, swallow
and repeat until all your loafmates are gone.


At Thu Apr 10, 07:29:00 PM EDT, Anonymous C. Roll said...

It's funny, I would have
pegged you as more of a biscuit
guy; you've got that sorta
hipster as lumberjack thing
going on, not grunge so much as

And maybe that's the problem.

My loafmates and I are easy.
Tonight, second fiddle to chicken stew
tomorrow, we wrap pigs in
blankety embrace.

Here's a little secret, from inside
the bright blue can/tube of my
crescenty essence: sometimes, you need to supplant
the easy with the REAL.

People don't like me; they like not
having to think, to work
to MAKE.
Your hands, your skill, maybe not
as pretty as the picture on the
label, but you can do it.

Don't worry about me, or about the
Pillsbury execs; someone else will
come along (they always do).

So keep your buttery
mitts off my golden brown, flaky, yeastily aromatic hinder.

Like a convenience foods Moses I
entreat you let
my people go!

Put down the tube, and walk
away. You are better than this.

At Sun Apr 13, 06:08:00 AM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right on, C.Roll!

At Sun May 04, 08:12:00 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get off the pastry--- and get into the Real World-----chbpod

At Tue Dec 02, 03:39:00 PM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is so funny


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