What Do I Win?

A little over a month ago, one of my first posts asked the eternal question, "What punster came up with the name Parkade?"

It turns out that hard-hitting questions like that shine a light into a corner of the dark underbelly that is commercial real estate in this town. And it's not a pretty underbelly, either.

It turns out nobody will answer. Nobody will cop to meaning to call it that. And it was never really the "Parkade", anyway. Was just a placeholder that was only marginally more or less thoughtless than "The Old K-Mart Plaza".

It was matters such as this that apparently led the mayor to ask the Transcript to stop referring to it as such, as Wednesday's revealing editorial revealed. On a day when there were apparently no other stories on which to offer an editorial opinion, we are challenged to come with yet another name for our new retail bonanzaplex by Glenn Drohan and the gang.

I mean, I like the idea, but after having taken part in one too many band naming sessions and with a wife who's in Advertising Executives Anonymous, this is a surefire ticket to packing the kids in the minivan and heading for the "Shops On Ashland", "Northern Berkshire Retail Orgy", or "North Adams Entertainmentapalooza".

It's probably going to be another 15 years before people stop calling it the K-Mart Plaza anyway, so let's come up with something truly forward-thinking. Why don't we sell naming rights? To, like, K-Mart? They wouldn't actually have to open a store, but they could pay us a few dozen grand a year to call it "The K-Mart Plaza". How great would that be, getting paid to do something we all already do? It'd be like getting a check every time you picked your nose or took two pennies out of the "take one, leave one" saucer. Sign me up, dude.

So send your suggestions to Glenn at the the Transcript, and make North Adams proud. We can name stuff better than those cheese-eating pansies down in Pittsfield any day of the week, right? Huh? Who's with me? Ready, BREAK!